i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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