It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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