tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
