I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
