I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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