I CAN MOONWALK!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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