I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
