I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
