By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
