I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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