Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
