He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
