i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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