half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.