Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
