when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
