his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
