My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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