i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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