i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
