she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
