So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize