K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
