I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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