i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
