We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's get the cat blown out
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
