I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
