he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
where are my eyebrows?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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