I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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