real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
