he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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