i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
