And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
