I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
