Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
