I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
