Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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