I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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