I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
