The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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