If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
