You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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