Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
