So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
