Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
