before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is the high leading the old right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
