if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
