She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
