im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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