I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
