Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
