Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
