I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
