You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
