Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
