So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize