If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
