Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
