We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
