how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS