she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.