nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno