$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?