I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
